THORPE PARK!!!
Thorpe park. Amusement central of England (not including Alton towers as I've never been and so can pretend it doesn't exist.). Some people poo-poo-ed it when I said I was going but it was way fun and like, uh, totally awesome...
10 am : I am supposed to be at the front gates. Instead I have just borded a train. This will make me 1 hour late. I'm thinking no probs. In reality, people are probably annoyed but I try to convince myself otherwise.
10:45 am : I arrive at THORPE PARK. People ARE annoyed. I try to placate them with offers of pints and then get reminded that the person I offered that to doesn't drink beer. I apologize again instead of being witty and saying - pints? I meant pints of vodka not pints of beer! But I don't say that and on we go to the rides.
11 am onwards : The rides are ridden. I'm on rollar coasters where my legs dangle, I go backwards in the dark and splash through water rides with cheesy pseudo-Canadian music (no England - we don't all sound like Yukon gold miners from the 1800's no matter how cool that would actually be.)
My most favorite ride is Tidal Wave. Soaked through and through I was. The site described it as "Prepare to get soaked, this white-knuckle water ride leaves you wanting more!
Climbing to 85ft then seconds later crashing to the earth with an almighty splash. Fun for everyone!" If by fun you mean get wet than yes. Thank god it wasn't raining.
After you get soaked then they have these little booths that you can stand at to dry yourselves off in afterwards which is very nice of them. And YES. You do get that wet! The water gets you in the face and then it's like it hovers in the air and then splashes down on top of your head. Insane. And also lovely in the hot weather.
4:58 pm : We try to get into the last showing of Pirates 4 - D. It starts at 5. They started early so with a heavy heart we abandon the thought of sneaking in and head to the carasol. We go around twice as we're too tired to negotiate our way off the horses. We're tired with a capital T.
6 pm : After much to-ing and fro-ing, we settle down in a local pub for drinks and grub. All their veggie options have cheese so the pub owner makes me a special dish of mushrooms, carrots and califlower, boiled potatoes and chips. In other words, all the side dishes that have no cheese or meat in them. It confused the waiter though. When he served me it, he said "Here's your...uh...plate of stuff." Delish.
11:30 pm : We walk back to our campsite. It's dark and we're walking along a small path by the thames. There are people fishing and speaking in hushtones. I hope there are no serial killers out tonight. That would totally wreck the end of our fun-filled amusement park day.
11:45 pm : There's a fight by the bathroom, some girls are crying and a group of lanky kids are smoking up by their tents. There's a woman waiting for the shower who has the same housecoat as me - the one I thought looked supersexy and slick, except it's on an over-tanned, 60 year old with peroxided hair. Maybe I'm embracing white trash England and - uh - maybe I'm secretly liking it...
12:30 pm : Off to bedfordshire. (that means I went to sleep and not actually went to the place as it is a place in England. It'd really be really silly to drive somewhere new at that time of night especially as I pitched my tent already. For those of you who've seen Brigit Jones, you'll recall that she said that exact thing on the way to bed. It's just something silly to say so I'm saying it.)
10 am : I am supposed to be at the front gates. Instead I have just borded a train. This will make me 1 hour late. I'm thinking no probs. In reality, people are probably annoyed but I try to convince myself otherwise.
10:45 am : I arrive at THORPE PARK. People ARE annoyed. I try to placate them with offers of pints and then get reminded that the person I offered that to doesn't drink beer. I apologize again instead of being witty and saying - pints? I meant pints of vodka not pints of beer! But I don't say that and on we go to the rides.
11 am onwards : The rides are ridden. I'm on rollar coasters where my legs dangle, I go backwards in the dark and splash through water rides with cheesy pseudo-Canadian music (no England - we don't all sound like Yukon gold miners from the 1800's no matter how cool that would actually be.)
My most favorite ride is Tidal Wave. Soaked through and through I was. The site described it as "Prepare to get soaked, this white-knuckle water ride leaves you wanting more!
Climbing to 85ft then seconds later crashing to the earth with an almighty splash. Fun for everyone!" If by fun you mean get wet than yes. Thank god it wasn't raining.After you get soaked then they have these little booths that you can stand at to dry yourselves off in afterwards which is very nice of them. And YES. You do get that wet! The water gets you in the face and then it's like it hovers in the air and then splashes down on top of your head. Insane. And also lovely in the hot weather.
4:58 pm : We try to get into the last showing of Pirates 4 - D. It starts at 5. They started early so with a heavy heart we abandon the thought of sneaking in and head to the carasol. We go around twice as we're too tired to negotiate our way off the horses. We're tired with a capital T.
6 pm : After much to-ing and fro-ing, we settle down in a local pub for drinks and grub. All their veggie options have cheese so the pub owner makes me a special dish of mushrooms, carrots and califlower, boiled potatoes and chips. In other words, all the side dishes that have no cheese or meat in them. It confused the waiter though. When he served me it, he said "Here's your...uh...plate of stuff." Delish.
11:30 pm : We walk back to our campsite. It's dark and we're walking along a small path by the thames. There are people fishing and speaking in hushtones. I hope there are no serial killers out tonight. That would totally wreck the end of our fun-filled amusement park day.
11:45 pm : There's a fight by the bathroom, some girls are crying and a group of lanky kids are smoking up by their tents. There's a woman waiting for the shower who has the same housecoat as me - the one I thought looked supersexy and slick, except it's on an over-tanned, 60 year old with peroxided hair. Maybe I'm embracing white trash England and - uh - maybe I'm secretly liking it...
12:30 pm : Off to bedfordshire. (that means I went to sleep and not actually went to the place as it is a place in England. It'd really be really silly to drive somewhere new at that time of night especially as I pitched my tent already. For those of you who've seen Brigit Jones, you'll recall that she said that exact thing on the way to bed. It's just something silly to say so I'm saying it.)
posted by Heather "Tails" Taylor at 12:23 am
3 Comments:
Thanks for your comment. I thought I would come and say hello and I'm glad I did because that was very funny. I love amusement parks. Have you done the Pepsi Max Big One at Blackpool - awesome!
My other half gets a lot of that veggie crap served too - once she got lettuce and nothing else. I mean, who could eat a plate of lettuce for dinner?
But how could you not eat cheese? I could not live without cheese!
Love your profile pic by the way -cute finger puppets.
Ooooo...I haven't yet. I do have to try it if it's coming on a recommendation. I'll take my friend Alice as she was sad she couldn't go to Thorpe Park.
Small towns aren't my friends in the food department. Black pudding is NOT vegetarian. As for the cheese thing - I was a cheese addict (I'm talking blocks of cheese and entire packs of crackers) until I hit 21 and I couldn't eat it anymore. One bite and gag city. So there goes the cheese...my mom's still in shock as I personally ate most of the grocery bill worth of cheese. I bet she wished I would've kicked the habit a lot sooner.
The puppets are Licky and Piggy. I borrowed them for the pic but now they are back with their owner. Boo hoo.
Oh yes, you must do it although Blackpool is well tacky in a big way. YOu have to be in the right mood and ideally a bit pissed! Yes, take Alice, if she likes Bon Jovi she will like Blackpool!!
Oh yes, I can identify with the gorging on cheese. I do it all the time. Not good for the waistline though so I have to be a bit careful these days - don't want to turn into a Piggy myself.
Have a lovely day and don't melt. Soooo hot!
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