Ouch...hot stuff coming through

Do you know what is hotter than hot? Hotter than the molten sun and the firey surface of Mercury put together? One would think:

a) Steam from a newly boiled kettle
b) A Phaal curry
c) The top of the grill when you accidently touch it

But no. It's none of the above. The hottest thing in the world is.....(drum roll)

McDonald's Hot Apple Pie filling. Yes. No matter how I try to go about eating them, the hot lava filling seems to spill onto my chin and cause 5th degree burns (yes, that's right, 5th degree - 3rd degree's just too pussy for this killer filling).

Now I know what you're going to say..."But the box says Contents: Hot" but hot is an understatement. Un-der-statement. It should say "pure molten filling - don't eat for at least 1 hour after buying if you ever want to taste food again." Then again, who would ever follow those instructions - the tasty goodness is too tempting. The dilema is so over-whelming and....damn. Not so much damn as it's a dilema but rather damn as a "damn. I'm going to have to get my butt off the couch and get me some apple pie." Ouch. Hot stuff coming through.