Things I learned from my ex(es) : part deux
Alert! Alert! Sister special! As it is her last night in town for a while (though I am trying to get her to move here), we thought we'd combine forces for another edition of Things I learned from my ex (es) *ENTER THEME MUSIC HERE*
1) Just because you are dating, doesn't mean he has any dress sense. If you want to wear a green dress, then go for it. If he can't handle it, then he's too weak for you bab-ee!
2) Wet towels + floor + unlimited time = dirty dirty dirty. Where's Kim and Aggie when you really need them?
3) Boys are just boys and girls are just girls. It's ok to recognize the difference.
4) Planning events in advance is normal. Especially when you have to get Radiohead tickets that'll sell out in 3 minutes upon their release.
5) Listening to someone pee when you are on the phone is not kosher. If you ask nicely in advance to the peeing, then that may be alright but just because you are sleeping together doesn't mean they want to hear EVERYTHING you do.
6) Close the door when you poo. It's the right thing to do.
7) Me and my toothbrush like to be alone when I'm brushing my teeth. I hate watching people spit and I hate it when people watch me. It's called privacy people!
8) Video games are for recreation. That doesn't mean cancelling plans to stay in to get to the end of Tomb Raider after playing for 48 hours. It may be good for some - but they probably don't go out much.
9) Asparagus makes pee smell. And not like roses.
10) Refried beans and salsa are tasty together. Yum yum yum.
11) The easiest way to get refried beans out of a can is to use the can opener on the bottom and then flip it over and open the easy open top. It just slides right out!
12) Too much beans and salsa makes your tummy hurt. And makes for a number of long hours in the bathroom. With the door closed, of course.
13) Getting angry at the TV doesn't make it work. Same goes for VCRs, DVD players and stereos. Some may say the same about computers but mine likes a little back talk.
14) Never slow dance to "I'll do anything for love" by Meatloaf when you have to pee as it is the longest song ever. This especially goes for those of you with small bladders.
15) You can download TV from the internet! It's like gifts from God. In television form.
16) Some guys don't read labels so if you want to keep your new wool sweater safe from becoming doll sized, then keep it well hidden.
17) Don't expect to get a replacement if it is shrunk. Accidents happen right?
18) Coffee is God. No one should come between you and your coffee or they must prepare to die. Accidents happen, right?
19) Fans are great at blocking out noise AND putting you to sleep. I love fan.
20) Sometimes you just need to have those laugh till you pee, falling down escalator moments. Nothing beats in-jokes at a boring party.
So that concludes our latest edition. My sister has finished another bottle of wine on her own so hopefully I've translated her mumbling correctly. I'm glad she can no longer read at this point or she'd kick my ass.
1) Just because you are dating, doesn't mean he has any dress sense. If you want to wear a green dress, then go for it. If he can't handle it, then he's too weak for you bab-ee!
2) Wet towels + floor + unlimited time = dirty dirty dirty. Where's Kim and Aggie when you really need them?
3) Boys are just boys and girls are just girls. It's ok to recognize the difference.
4) Planning events in advance is normal. Especially when you have to get Radiohead tickets that'll sell out in 3 minutes upon their release.
5) Listening to someone pee when you are on the phone is not kosher. If you ask nicely in advance to the peeing, then that may be alright but just because you are sleeping together doesn't mean they want to hear EVERYTHING you do.
6) Close the door when you poo. It's the right thing to do.
7) Me and my toothbrush like to be alone when I'm brushing my teeth. I hate watching people spit and I hate it when people watch me. It's called privacy people!
8) Video games are for recreation. That doesn't mean cancelling plans to stay in to get to the end of Tomb Raider after playing for 48 hours. It may be good for some - but they probably don't go out much.
9) Asparagus makes pee smell. And not like roses.
10) Refried beans and salsa are tasty together. Yum yum yum.
11) The easiest way to get refried beans out of a can is to use the can opener on the bottom and then flip it over and open the easy open top. It just slides right out!
12) Too much beans and salsa makes your tummy hurt. And makes for a number of long hours in the bathroom. With the door closed, of course.
13) Getting angry at the TV doesn't make it work. Same goes for VCRs, DVD players and stereos. Some may say the same about computers but mine likes a little back talk.
14) Never slow dance to "I'll do anything for love" by Meatloaf when you have to pee as it is the longest song ever. This especially goes for those of you with small bladders.
15) You can download TV from the internet! It's like gifts from God. In television form.
16) Some guys don't read labels so if you want to keep your new wool sweater safe from becoming doll sized, then keep it well hidden.
17) Don't expect to get a replacement if it is shrunk. Accidents happen right?
18) Coffee is God. No one should come between you and your coffee or they must prepare to die. Accidents happen, right?
19) Fans are great at blocking out noise AND putting you to sleep. I love fan.
20) Sometimes you just need to have those laugh till you pee, falling down escalator moments. Nothing beats in-jokes at a boring party.
So that concludes our latest edition. My sister has finished another bottle of wine on her own so hopefully I've translated her mumbling correctly. I'm glad she can no longer read at this point or she'd kick my ass.
posted by Heather "Tails" Taylor at 1:54 am
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