To ugly naked man

Dear ugly naked man,

I saw you for the first time last night. At first you were in your boxers and I saw you over my flatmate's shoulder and I said "hm. There is a man only in his boxers standing in front of his window." and she said "Oh. That is ugly naked man. I haven't seen him since January, I thought he had moved." I thought, hey - it's just like Friends, how funny is that and really, he's not too bad. He's in his underwear.

At that point you proved me wrong. Oh how you proved my wrong. You stepped to the side of your window and with a quick flash, you were naked and standing proudly back in front of the window. Completely naked. You made me scream like a little girl AND made me seem like a prude. I even hid in the bathroom for a second to gather myself. When I completely wiped the shock from my face, I came back out and you were still there. AND reading a book. Standing up, naked, reading a thin hard back book, and looking at us out of the corner of your eye. My life will never be the same again. I saw your penis.

Blinded by the sight,
You slightly squimish back-yard neighbour.